Joke of the Day

I couldn't pass up sharing this joke today...

Ask a silly question

I have 2 dogs & I was buying a large bag of Pal at Big W and standing inline at the check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Pal Diet again although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Pal nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no; it was because I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.

Stupid woman...why else would I buy dog food??

Laugh of the Day

Just a reminder to sit back and laugh from time to time...


An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report
that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she
explains her situation to the dispatcher:
'They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake
pedal and even the accelerator!' she cried.
The dispatcher said, 'Stay calm. An officer is on the way.'
A few minutes later, the officer radios in.
'Disregard.' He says.
'She got in the back-seat by mistake.'

Sunset from September 9th...

Tuesday Humor

What do you do in Your Spare Time? Fish in a puddle?

Slightly Off

That's how my weekend felt, slightly off. Therefore, I'm leaving you with some slightly off insights.

• A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired.
• What's the definition of a will? It's a dead giveaway.
• A backward poet writes inverse.
• With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
• The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
• He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
• Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
• When an actress saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she' d dye.
• Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
• Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
• Acupuncture is a jab well done.
• Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

Lost in Translation

A Holiday at Tokyo Hotel

Funny Hotel Notices In The Lobby:

1) English well speaking.

2) We take your bags and send them in all direction.

3) In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.

4) The elevator is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

4a) In the lift: Do not enter the elevator backwards, and only when lit up.

4b) To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor.

5) Customers are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 am daily.

Funny Notices In the Bedroom:

1) Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing please not to read notice.

2) Please to bathe inside the tub.

3) Please leave your values at the front desk.

4) You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

5) Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

Funny Notices In a the bar:

1) Special cocktails: For the ladies with nuts.

2) Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

3) Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

4) Special today — no ice cream.

Funny Holiday Notices In the Hotel Shop

1) For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service.

2) If this is your first visit to Tokyo, you are welcome to it.

3) Order your summer suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

4) Specialist in women and other diseases.

5) Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

Funny Notices In the Hotel Grounds

1) Stop. Drive sideways.

2) Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, please give it to the guard on duty.

3) A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.

4) Ladies, please leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

5) Take one of our horse-driven tours — we guarantee no miscarriages.
5a) Would you like to ride on your own ass?

Boy I need sunshine and a holiday.

Monday Morning Funnies

A great way to start off Monday Morning...

A German tourist walks into a McDonalds in New York, and orders a beer. The guy in the line behind him immediately tells him: "They don't serve BEER here, you moron!", to which the German replied in astonishment, "You mean you're here for the food!?"

Does Germany really serve beer at McDo's? I swear I never saw that in Switzerland or France!